His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
