So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
