Jerry, you need to find god
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize