Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
