you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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