Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
