i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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