Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
