ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
