just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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