I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
