how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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