even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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