How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
