At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
