Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
where are my eyebrows?
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