TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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