I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
