Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
