I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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