the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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