my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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