I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize