i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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