it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
