Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
