Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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