i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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