Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
