guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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