Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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