I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
