but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
