Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
