i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
