Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
