I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
