Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
