I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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