Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
