How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize