Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
