If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
