Jerry, you need to find god
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
