no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
