Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
