I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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