everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
