I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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