You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
