once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
