Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
