The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize