Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
