Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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