That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
