the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
