i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
