i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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