I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm too high and old for this...
Shame - the story of my life.
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