I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
