whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
