peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize