I hate all girls vehemently.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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