went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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