Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize