my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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