So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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