no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
