whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
